My Emo Post

Disclaimer : do not read this post if you think that Zhen Ming is a very happy dude that thinks everything is perfectly fine in his life. This is a very VERY emo post, so don't read it if it's going to distort your image of "The Happy Zhen Ming"



Sometimes when I think about the stuff that I'm doing...it makes me just wanna give up on everything i have.Studies, bball...EVERYTHING

Studies? yeah. Got pretty terrible results. Well..not as terrible as compared to some. I think i'm more...disappointed instead.

I know its only the first semester, and I know its "normal" to have such results. But as I look back at my past results, I realized that I've never improved ( though i didn't deprove)

Its really sad when i though i feel so confident in scoring for exams, and then get horrible results for it. I keep telling this friend of mine to "not give up"...but what happens? She still did badly. Now i finally know what it really is like to be in her shoes.

And then there's basketball. well...yeah. standard procedure : da-dui. and according to this standard procedure, it tells me that i'll NEVER do well here, especially with horrible jiaobu and terrible shooting accuracy. Though there was once, (I emphasize on the word ONCE) where i actually scored ONE shot that was pretty satisfying. Everything felt natural...until SOMEONE had to tell me "Hey! not bad sia...not bad for Cdiv standard!". You know it really sucks when you put it so much effort to TRY and learn it, getting it right, and only to get criticized because you FINALLY did something right for once, which seems to be a bad thing after that.

Then there are also times when i'm open, where apparently nobody is marking me. I'd try to signal to the ball controller to pass to me, and at least give me a chance to get those two points in...BUT NOOOOO. He had to go and pass to the guy on the side, then suay suay kenna intercepted. Like WTF lah. Come on, he already knew that i was signaling to him to pass the ball to me. It really sucks when you've worked so hard, and then not be allowed to be able to use it. Its like you're working for no cause.

Then lastly, there's God. As Gary was closing for us in prayer, I looked around and saw everyone closing their eyes and bowing their heads. You know how your youth leader keeps telling you "Have Faith, Have Faith." Its just too hard for me. I don't see the point in loving someone that doesn't seem to exist. Its almost the equivalent of loving Santa Clause, but only he tells you he has MUCH BETTER gifts compared to toys. (i'm sorry God, if i offended you)

I really don't know what to do now. My life feels like its going around in circles, coming back to the same person I already was 5, or even 10 years ago. My life has lost its meaning all of a sudden.But then, I don't think it ever had a meaning to begin with....

Give up zhen ming, stop wasting your time